EMOTIONAL SUPPORT FROM OTHERS

Anyone who has a chronic or long term illness eventually discovers that over time friends and family lose their sympathy and compassion. They find it hard to understand how one person can feel badly for so long. I myself have been in situations where it has become tedious and draining to deal with someone who has continuous health problems. I try to remember this when I find that people sometimes say hurtful and uncaring things to me.


I find more and more I am sharing less and less with other people. I think one of the worse feelings for me is when I feel judged. By judged, I mean when people seem to think that in some way I've either caused my problems or made them worse. If only..... If only I would do such and such I would feel better. If only I would eat such and such my body would be healthier. If only I had talked to the doctor in a different way, asked better questions. Then I would get better.


It has become apparent to me that some people think that I have become too preoccupied with my health. On the contrary, I feel as if I am becoming very good at ignoring my issues. Somewhere along the way I decided that its quite possible that I will never truly feel well. Even if I do eventual feel better it will probably be a long time coming. I've already had three years of feeling lousy much of the time. Regardless of the outcome I've decided that I must do the best that I can in living my life to the fullest. Now the only time I hold back in my activities is when I feel that doing too much is going to make things worse in the long run.


My family spent this past Thanksgiving at my sister-in-law's house with my husband's family. On the way there I got a migraine. I took one of my migraine pills, closed my eyes and waited for my aura to pass. As we pulled up to her house they came out to greet us. As I got out of the van I could see but my peripheral vision was still flickering a bit. I was still in that foggy period where my perception of everything is off. Since I've had so many problems my sister-in-law's immediate question was "how have you been feeling". I think my answer was something like "eh, not so great". I decided not to mention the fact that I was currently totally whacked out and so foggy that I couldn't think straight. I'm pretty sure that she could tell that I was not feeling right. I am fortunate that the Treximet that I take relieves the pain that I experience but it still leaves me with the brain fog. It took a while, but once I pulled myself together I sat and played cards with my bored 16 year old son. I chose not to tell the family about my migraine so I wouldn't be the focus of attention. Towards the end of the day I had a private conversation with my other sister-in-law who was concerned about me and I eventually told her that I had been dealing with a migraine.

In some ways I do understand how people could get sick of my health problems....I'M sick of my problems! Then on the other hand, there are days that I desperately need the support. It's usually on those days when I've suddenly gotten another migraine after thinking that I'm finally getting better. Those are my most depressing days. Yesterday was one of those days. As I was writing this post, I got a migraine. I had finally gotten my migraines down to about once a month and this last one had been followed by one that I got a week ago. So much for once a month! I should have known it was coming, I haven't felt right for quite awhile now. It was quite depressing. I'm still not feeling right so I'm expecting that I will probably get more. Sigh.

How did this post get to be about my latest troubles. It was supposed to be about emotional support. I guess its all related because I didn't talk much about this last migraine. I didn't tell anyone the day I had it, not even my husband. It's not that I am trying to keep a secret, its just that it was so upsetting that I didn't even want to talk about it. At least I know that he would support me emotionally. Some people don't even have a spouse that's understanding.

So my wish for everyone is that they get the emotional support that they need.