VISUAL CHANGES

Last night I had a dream that I had a spot in my vision that was speckled. It was sort of like when someone takes a picture and they do some sort of weird computer altering of it and make it into a piece of artwork. I've had other times where I've dreamed of aura and then gotten a migraine in the next day or two. I can't believe that I've actually caused myself to get a migraine but I do believe that my body may be unconsciously aware that I will soon get one.

For me "visual disturbances" have become very prevalent. These visual disturbances do not just occur during an aura but seem to happen to me at any time. I've mentioned before that I get into a "migraine mode" where the frequency of my migraines increases. These are the periods where these visual disturbances come about.

I've suffered two episodes of all out vertigo. One was followed by a migraine and one was not. I've also had many times where I felt somewhat dizzy and off balance. During these times was when I experienced problems with the windshield in my car. If you look through your windshield, you will notice that where the edge of the windshield curves, it makes things look a bit distorted. The average person can see this (I asked my son) but for me during one of my bad times, it becomes very pronounced. It makes me feel slightly dizzy, not enough to affect my driving, but enough to be maddening! Lately, I haven't noticed the edges of the windshield but I have noticed that in general things look different through the windshield than through a more flat side window.

Along with the dizziness there also comes a problem being in a store or crowded place. Its as if my brain can not handle all the stimulation and my perception of things is off. I can only imagine that this is what would be experienced by someone on a drug. I would not say that I am totally out of it, its just that things feel a bit weird. Its more of a visual experience than a psychological one. My brain is thinking properly but its not controlling my vision properly. I don't think that I could ever fully explain this to make someone understand but if someone has had this experience they would light up and say "I know exactly what you mean!!"

I have many things that happen that seem to be related to my retina not working the way it should. Bright lights don't just affect me during a migraine, they affect me during my migraine modes as well. If someone shines a light into my eyes I get upset with them. They don't understand that it takes my eyes especially long to recover from this. While I'm having spots in front of my eyes I'm worried that they won't go away but instead they will be the start of a migraine. I have to say that I never remember one of these times turning into a migraine - I don't think bright lights are a trigger for me. I've had times where I've looked away or closed my eyes for a picture because I know that the flash is going to drive me crazy. I guess in a related vein is my "shadow" experience. If a normal person stares at a picture on the wall for a long time and then moves their gaze to a blank area, they will see an outline of the picture. I've had times where this effect is so strong that I could literally drag an outline image away from something after only looking at it for a spit second.

The last thing that I can think of is that I had a weird problem looking at the computer screen. You know how sometimes when you see a computer screen on TV and its flickering? Well, I would have this effect while looking at my own computer screen. White backgrounds were the worse. At first I just thought that the computer was actually flickering until I asked my family and they didn't know what I was talking about. For awhile this was happening all they time. If I was about to have a migraine it got worse. Then I started to realize that there were other problems with the computer. Depending on the colors of the writing versus the background it would either bother me or feel okay. White writing on a black background is the worse, I refuse to read anything with that combination. I tried to set up this blog using colors that would be "pleasing to the eye".

I've tried to cover all the visual disturbances that I have or have had but I could be missing something. Its hard because most of them have gotten better. I do not have much problem with the windshield in the car. I credit the fact that my dizziness has gotten better. I rarely feel badly in a store. The computer hasn't flickered for months although certain color combinations still bother me. My sensitivity to light is still quite a problem, as is the shadowing problem, although I can no longer drag an image away from something.

In the late winter early spring of 2008 I was having a particularly bad time. I had an entire week where I got one or sometimes two migraines a day. Surrounding that week was a month and a half of rough times. During this time I had ALL the visual disturbances to an extreme. They were there at all times, during a migraine as well as between migraines. You can imagine how whacked out I felt. I cried out of frustration and fear that this was now my life. I couldn't really function at all. I could not traverse life seeing things through my eyes. My body was failing me and my brain was failing me. This was before I had my appointment at the Jefferson Headache Center. It was during this episode that I called to set up and appointment and had to wait for months to get in. Obviously, there are many people who are suffering as well. It was well worth the wait.

My doctor at the headache center put me on the anti seizure medication Lamictal. I credit this medication with helping my brain better control my vision. Of course it has not been a miracle cure but it has helped immensly. I still get some migraines with aura, I still get some visual problems in between migraines but I've come along way from that bad spell in 2008. My quest for good health is not over but I have to remind myself of my progress.